Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Wardrobe Malfunction

Say what you want about Janet Jackson's little incident two Januaries ago - if you're a female, chances are you're going to have something similar happen at least once in your life. Today was my turn.

It was a happy skirt day, and I picked one short enough to warrant stockings. Rummaging through my unmentionables drawer, I pulled out a new pair in a brand I don't normally buy (on sale - buy one get one 1/2 off at CVS last week), but was willing to give a try. They went on okay and felt fine, so I headed out the door.

About halfway to work, I noted that something didn't feel quite right. Had taken the jacket off and tied it around my waist - was that getting loose? Was my skirt riding up? (Have walked all the way to work with my skirts tucked into my underwear, so this is always a fair concern for me.) What was it? I didn't think anything of the new stockings - their elastic couldn't be giving way practically out of the package, could it? Walked a couple more blocks feeling really, really strange. Got to Walnut Street and was descending Prospect hill when all of a sudden the jacket slid off my hips and down my legs, taking both the stockings and other undergarments with them. Mercifully this happened on a residential street with everyone off to work as there were no innocent bystanders around to be subjected to a vision of a bit more than "London or France," as the old children's taunt goes. I crouched down, gave everything a good YANK up, picked up the jacket to put in my bag and headed off to work. Every couple blocks, I made certain to give my waist a tug so as not to have an encore performance on a busy street or in front of construction workers. Once at work, borrowed a few safety pins and tacked the waist of the stockings to the waistband of my skirt.

I cannot wait until summer, when I can go bare-legged and not have to worry about this sort of nonsense.


Nick said...

Oh to be an innocent bystander on a quiet residential street in Boston.

Be said...

It wasn't pretty, believe me. The Yank Dance makes me look kind of like a cross between Martha Graham and Lucille Ball.

Might have been good for the comic relief, though.

nappy40 said...


Something similar happened to my cousin. She had undergarments fall from a calf length skirt. So there she was, briskly walking downtown, when she felt that strange feeling. Looked down to see slip, etc gathered around her ankles. She said she stepped out of them and ran.

Be said...

Oh my word! Downtown, too!
I was lucky.

I have a girlfriend who, before having remade herself into Theda Bara, was a dead ringer for That Girl. One summer, during lunchbreak, we were walking up Tremont Street (by the Common in downtown Boston). A little ways before Park Street, we stepped on a subway grate as a train was going by. Since I was wearing jeans, I didn't notice much more than a hot, upward breeze. My girlfriend, however, since she had a trapeze dress on, did Marilyn Monroe one better: the shape of the dress made it billow up like a windsock. A good number of Boston's financial district workers got to see that Girlfriend was one of those sorts who coordinates tops with bottoms with outer garments.

Sandi said...

I did the skirt in pantyhose trick at work once. Fortunately there were only other women in the office at the time, and after a few giggles my error was pointed out.

Believe me you will always make a concious effort to check every time thereafter.


Be said...

Oh yeah, definitely a case of "once bitten, twice shy."