Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Yes, you know where my mind is right now.
Something I've been thinking about for sometime.
Just located it.

i like my body when it is with your

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh....And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

- e e cummings
Self-improvement is the name of the game.
If you're interested - take a look at my little log I have set up to help sort out physical/psychological issues around getting back into my own:

Bev, Improved

Wish me luck.

Monday, January 26, 2004


I am pleased at having taken on
so many obligations - in my life
most curious elements accumulated:
gentle ghosts which undid me,
an insistent mineral labor,
an inexplicable wind which ruffled me,
the stab of some wounding kisses, the hard reality
of my brothers,
my insistent need to be always watchful,
my impulse to be myself, only myself
in the weakness of self-pleasuring.
That is why - water on stone - my life was always
singing its way between joy and obligation.

-Pablo Neruda, "Fully Empowered"
Had one heck of a weekend. More fun than an old girl like me should be having.
I've learned a few things:

1.) Birdwatching (at least standard birdwatching. Not the stuff my brother and I would be doing out in the Bayou Country of Western New York...Was a wood duck...no, a bufflehead...what kinda 'tard are you?) is way too passive an activity for me. I prefer to see birds while doing other things, I guess. From my experience of this weekend, I think that American birdwatchers might best be translated into Trainspotters in the UK.

2.) I miss Eastie. Went out to Jeffries Point for an old roommate's birthday party. Add to this that I miss my old roommate and his girlfriend. That old living situation was bad, but from it I met some really nifty people. Would love to be nearer to Mark and Gie and would love to get to East Boston before it's totally gentrified and I can't afford it anymore.

3.) I'm way too old to be staying out late. Got home at around 2:00 am Sunday and was completely destroyed. Spent the day either lolling around in bed or watching television - two things that I don't normally do.

4.) Beware of anything handed to you in a glass that has the name 'strange brew.'

Imagine my disappointment to find that, yet again, I am not on the Improper Bostonian's list of most eligible bachelors & bachelorettes. Nor is anyone else I know of, for that matter.

Guess we're just not trying hard enough.

Friday, January 23, 2004

Okay, enough. I think I'm going to read some and maybe work on Frank's scarf. I'm sooo tired.
I wonder if Dre understands how much I appreciate talking to him.
Today's topic had broadly to do with state's rights vs federal powers. Or in his case, devolution of power to the countries within the Kingdom. It's a testy issue for both of us, not always managed well here, but not, from what I hear, going well at all there. He was talking about a Scottish MP to the UK parliament refraining from a vote on an issue (tuition fees - hot thing there right now. Read up on it in Oliver Kamm's blog sometime) because it only had to do with England and Wales and nothing to do with Scotland.
Is it me, or does this seem to be neglect of duties? I mean, it would be one thing if he were working for the Scottish parliament, but he isn't. Andy says that this, along with a bunch of other nonsense, goes on an awful lot since devolution.

We also got to talking a bit about the balance of power between legislative / executive / judicial branches, along with states' rights vs federal powers - that complicated set of dance steps that seems to be performed to a polyrhythm of sorts. Gay Marriage comes to mind. Here we have a case of judicial activism on a state level (MA's ruling that not recognizing gay marriage is unconstitutional) vs the Federal Government looking to send out a mandate to correct that (Defense of Marriage act). I am all for recognition of gay partnerships. I am not for a change of definition of marriage. I am not for a federal mandate to states on what constitutes marriage. I'd much rather see a referendum on the ballot next voting time, to be honest, if it comes to this. More so, I'd rather see civil unions and states choosing to or not to recognize them.

Last bit was about 'common law' - that is, either something that is so obvious that it is not on the books (like a commonlaw marriage) but recognized anyway, or Anglo Norman Law (what we follow as opposed to the Napoleonic Code.) I'd forgotten about that all. Was nice to go over it again. Was nice that he was up for it.
Boy, am I in the doldrums. Was told that I'm not a 'social' person at work - I don't show up for birthdays, pizza parties, etc. I'm not really there to socialize, but to get a job done. Whoever I need to or want to talk to during the course of the day, I do. Most of the other stuff is pretty shallow and banal and generally not to my liking.

There was a very under publicized 'reception' for one of our artists today. Development asked me to come visit, as I'm, I guess, one of the few who shows interest. I asked if I could bring a date and then brought whoever I could from Finance down. The artist whose work was being displayed was lovely. I enjoyed hearing about her influences, both visually and musically. (Pollock mainly, she said. More modern sensibility in general. She listens to a lot of Jazz and seems to particularly like Coltrane.) There is one work of hers (looked like mixed media - cut paper, black conte, white wash of some sort?) that so totally looks to me like Gottlieb meeting Klee. I love it! Killer expensive, however, due to the frame job. Maybe it's worth it to scrounge up the pennies for it. It *is* my birthday very soon. Much more substance than a garnet ring that I just ordered. We'll think about it.

Tech guy played another trick on Punky tonight. I scolded him, told him that he was like a little boy dunking the girl in front of him's braids in the inkwell. Also recommended that he try a flower (not not NOT roses!) to really set her off.

Nothing much of import today. Rode that zen number wave as well as I could. It's getting difficult, though, as there is so much bad feeling going on - I don't like to talk about negative energy, but, well, there's something that's really interfering with my concentration there, my willingness to even get up and get myself out the door to head off to work.

Was trying to use my wiles to get a LCD monitor today. Yup, just call me the Salome of the cube warren. I broke down in frustration with 'it's not like I'm angling for John the Baptist's head. I just want another monitor. I'm sick of having to get progressively stonger prescriptions for eyeglasses.'
Didn't work.

I've not been talking much on news lately mainly due to the fact that it's all either the Iraq Body Count or Primary coverage. One, well, it's war out there, kids. Of course people are dying. Interesting figure: 500 soldiers killed in combat is still 1/10th of the number of people who died in the French Health Care system last summer. On the other side of things - well, I was never really into freakshows, though I did hear that in the debate last night, Peter Jennings really got the knife into Clark and Sharpton. I just want it all over with. The democrat I want and would vote for doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of being nominated. March is going to be a nightmare here with the convention coming and all.

Love can spring up in the darndest of places. In gulags, in factories and mills, under some of the most inhuman conditions. Even in cubicle warrens. I'm watching the mating dance of a young techie who has set his eye on quite a prize - my cube neighbor. Smart, pretty as anything, quiet. I like her. She could be good for him. Who knows? It is 'sh!tting where you eat,' yes, but, well. I'll relax the standards a bit, as I'm not involved. I'm enjoying it, though. Makes me feel like I'm her age again, when I was at the music store and we were all joking around like and giddy. Sigh.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Lordy, what a week so far. I'm more or less settled into my new situation. Have good neighbors - lovely woman from A/P who shall go by the name 'punky,' one of the infernal auditors, Dan the Budget Guy. I made him promise that if I ever decide to take up smoking, he'd teach me how. I'm all for proper form.

Karen's office rots, and strangely enough, she's been moved even closer to the dumpster. She started the poetry wall out of protest against her digs not being painted or even spackled yet.

Got myself wedged in a window on the third floor the other day. Was in the ladies room. Window was open. Wanted to see if I could fit through it. Not really. Luckily I did not have to call out for help.

Last night I ran into a friend from the past - the nice version of a theoretical physicist from the even deeper past. Wonder how he feels about string theory. Wonder if he's still working on his palindrome generator or his Go game.

Sweater for Ness done. Test drove it. Couldn't help it! Was so pink and floofy. Very comforting.
Scarf/hat set for Auntie Stevie. Then a seaman's scarf, I think, for Frank. Moving right along...

Have been amusing myself with my Riemenschneider. (Bach chorales.) They're very good for losing one's self in. 12 bars, wonderful depth. Give myself a bit of time before I start again on deciphering figured bass. That's about as close to improvisation as I'm ever likely to get. It scares me.

Time to go home now, I think.

Monday, January 19, 2004

Happy Monday. Happy MLK Jr. Day. Friday was the start of our office move. Today, showed up nice and early to get cracking and found that our HDDs had all been reimaged. Hopefully a backup will have what I lost and things will go on tomorrow. For now, though, I'm just happy that I can actually sit down in my office, type away, do whatever.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

No, I wasn't off on a bender. It's incredibly, mind-numbingly cold out. The job is like that butt-kicking contest that I often talk about. I've been sick. Not much happening aside from movie-watching, scribbling a bit and knitting.

Ness's sweater's nearly done. Have a couple more little projects to work on, then I'd like to get around to working on my merino cardigan so that I can have it in time for spring. I've also figured out a nice way to use up a bit of that cashmere I have laying around.

Not too much else going on, really. I've been sleeping an awful lot. Seem to be tired all the time now. This weather sucks everything out of you.

Office move this weekend, too. Sigh. This is going to be interesting.

Something fun to peruse:


Friday, January 02, 2004

Got a good start on Ness's floofy pink sweater. I cannot for the life of me figure out why Lion Brand is discontinuing their Woolspun yarn. It is a fun, fluffy thick and thin yarn that knits up at about 2.5 stitches/inch on size 11 needles. The colors may be solid (as in the deep red sweater I'm wearing now) or heathered (like Ness's sweater, the sweater I made for Hal's cousin Ellen, or the hat/scarf ensemble I made for his sister in law). Since it's 100% wool, I was a bit worried about what would happen to it when put in the wash. I ended up felting the red sweater to shrink it down and it did a wonderful thing: developed a depthand sheen that wasn't there before. It also helped to create a better defined 'scribble lace' pattern for this particular sweater.
I love it!

Have decided that I want to make myself thigh highs for my winter walks to work. Was going to do funky striped ones to use up some more of my Wool Ease stash, but a friend with a better eye towards the aesthetics of thirty somethings suggested that stripey stuff might be a bit too young for me. Makes sense. Since I'm officially at 1/2 way between Lolita and Mrs Robinson, I can't really afford to look like I'm trying to deny my age...no more teeny bopper looks for me. Too bad, as this is the first time I've ever had a body that could possibly wear 'younger styles.'

Compromise: single color (maybe olive green?) with perhaps a rib/twisted rib/small cable/eyelet deal? Might not look too bad and heaven knows that I've got enough olive green in my stash.