Tuesday, June 07, 2005


Though I'm not a huge fan of most major (and some minor) changes, I've gotten pretty good at learning to roll with the punches. I prefer being a "dynamist" to stagnating, after all. Still, when things hit me in succession, I do get a bit tired.

Calling for my annual physical, I found out that my doctor of ten years is retiring. I'd figured that this would happen sooner or later - he's older, he's not been happy since his practice was absorbed into the NEMC system, he'd rather be collecting art. I don't tend to like doctors (I dislike dentists even more), but I was absolutely in love with him. It took me a long time to find this Old White Ivy-Leaguer (the antithesis of everything I was taught to seek out), and I know it's going to take forever to find someone else with a similar insight, sensitivity and sense of humor.

I remember when I was suffering from a particularly severe bout of depression and the arguments I'd get into with him. I think that that was about the only time I'd ever cursed at an elder. He took it all in stride, recommended that I write for him (at the time we were talking about the term violon d'Ingres, a hobby practiced with a high level of proficiency by someone noted for another discipline) about Louis Pasteur's cast aside painting career, since I refused to go on prozac, and sent me on my way. (I'd learned later on that he prescribed similar preparations for other patients - one who was a painter had to bring back an executed canvas for the next appointment. Another patient who was a composer would be given an arrangement assignment.) When I came back after an intense period of talk therapy and milder antidepressants, calm, happy and with my biographical bit in tow, he gave me a high-five and a movie about baseball, of all things.

Though Dr. Wills has more than paid his dues over the past several years and more than merits time off to pursue other things, I'm going to miss him terribly. I'm currently looking around for another GP. If anyone knows of someone in Boston/Cambridge/Somerville, I'd appreciate the recommendation.

Also, my roommate's given me notice that he's going to be leaving sometime between mid-June and mid-July. I would love to keep the place to myself, but absolutely cannot afford it (the rent alone for July and August is going to put a serious dent into my finances - I'm figuring about 3/4 of my net will go to that. Still cheaper, though, than trying to move on the fly), so will try to find a new roommate for September first.


I realize that the above items are small enough. Combined with stuggles over whether to stay at a job I detest (to get vested in the pension plan) or to leave outright as well as figuring out financing some schooling in the fall, it all feels so...so...exhausting. I'll manage. I always do. It's just living through it all that's tough.


Simon Kenton said...

Hung on til last year to vest. Hung on til this year to get some minor surgery done. Hang on hang on hang on. Paycheck after paycheck, I take a look at the augmentation of the 401(k) and mutter about an asymptotic approach to financial goals.

Nearly everybody in the world thinks in these terms, and are probably right to do so. So why does this style of thought make me want to debacchate?

Be said...

Life's not meant to be playland or even easy or fair. I've known that from a fairly young age. As a result, I don't feel any sort of rage. Rather a bit of despair at the diminishing returns fidelity to an unappreciative, highly dysfunctional workplace and to a vastly overrated, overpriced NE city are offering. That's all. I like to indulge myself in that every now and again before I kick myself into gear.

Nick said...

Hate dentists even more? You know what you are? You're an anti-dentite! Next you'll be saying they should have their own schools.