Monday, June 06, 2005

Paging Doctor Freud

I was raised in a relatively conservative Polish Catholic Family, so the fact that I'm not married and breeding all over the place is of relative concern to them. In waking life I'm fine with my marital status. Sometimes, however, my subconscious leaves me little clues that point to an internalization of my family's dissatisfaction with my being a vielle fille.

A few nights ago, I dreamt that I was returning to the home town with the fiance in tow. He'd not yet met the family, an eventuality we had to deal with since the marriage date was looming. During the rounds we were making on my mom's side, I noticed a tight-lipped, cold sort of non-disapproval. Figured that the old guard were just being old-fashioned and brushed it off. However, when we got around to my dad's side of the family (normally phlegmatic Danes), they made their displeasure very well known. My father in particular was extremely unhappy with my match. I tried to placate him, to calm what I thought were fears of his losing his only daughter. He just kept getting more and more agitated. Finally, in frustration, he cried out to me, "have you even looked at him?" I turned to see and found, to my shock and horror, that my fiance was actually my dad.

Boy, did that wake me up fast.


Simon Kenton said...

Actually, you get congratulations. You could have figured this one out during your divorce, 18 years hence. I remember 2 incidents from those days that still slightly savor of the eerie:

-- the final dialogs in Out of Africa were lifted, word for word, from some last scenes of my marriage. (The woman I was dating at the time, sensing upset, wanted to 'talk about it.' I used the God voice to decline.)

-- my mother and my then-wife, during their divorces, spoke the same sentences. To the word.

So. I suppose I can take this as evidence of common humanity, or of my inhabiting a cliche. Anyway, take it from me, you can bring a lot of intelligence and psychological sophistication to implementing the idea that you won't marry your parent. And congratulate yourself on avoiding that pit. And find yourself very startled, years hence. How could you have been so deceived by surface dissimularities and so inveigled by the congruence at depth? So take your dream as warning.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to marry your husband, not somebody else's. There are a lot of decent men about who would make somebody a very good husband. Just not you. In fact, if you can, marry your second husband. First.

Be said...

I may not be married to my dad, but that doesn't mean that I'm not dating him.

Mark said...

All I can say, that's an eye-opener...