B E B E R E

Never thought I'd be so happy to get back to the office as I am now. I love sitting upright, breathing properly, not coughing, playing at being productive. I love seeing other people and talking to them, love typing, love looking at the pretty blooming Christmas cactus on my bookshelf.

Didn't sleep so well last night, as have a fair number of worries: Dad's probably just coming out of surgery now and Grandpa's "going gentle into that good night," enough of his pain hopefully dulled by the morphine. My favorite aunt's in a bad spot: very very sick, and unable to move. Her twin, my mom, I don't think has been sober in days if not weeks.

I've always had a hard time with that part of the prayer that says "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." I'm having a particularly difficult time with it right now. Nothing I can do from here, and even if I were there, what to do? Can't help Grandpa: he's 91, it's his time. My mother has to help herself, and is apparently unwilling/unable. Auntie and Dad? Well, they'll be alright, I guess. Still, I hate being powerless.