I honestly can't say that it never occurred to me that I'd end up in shock from my visit to the Heimatstadt. Naively, I hoped that things would turn out differently. Of course, things were as they'd always been and now I'm left feeling flayed or burned or whatever.
The surface world, the world above the puddle or pond I'm skimming in right now (reality?) is kind of fuzzy, a bit distorted. Where I'm resting now has all the allure of a water world, an echoing, cushioning medium sort of separating me from the outside. Here I don't really feel much of anything. My nose is numb and I feel a slight pressure on the forehead and chest.
If I dive a bit deeper into this (and I really don't want to), all I want to do is cry. (What would that solve?)
I know that there are so many out there who have it so much worse than I do, believe me, I understand that. Still: I feel so. damn. awful.