B E B E R E

I honestly can't say that it never occurred to me that I'd end up in shock from my visit to the Heimatstadt. Naively, I hoped that things would turn out differently. Of course, things were as they'd always been and now I'm left feeling flayed or burned or whatever.

***

The surface world, the world above the puddle or pond I'm skimming in right now (reality?) is kind of fuzzy, a bit distorted. Where I'm resting now has all the allure of a water world, an echoing, cushioning medium sort of separating me from the outside. Here I don't really feel much of anything. My nose is numb and I feel a slight pressure on the forehead and chest.

If I dive a bit deeper into this (and I really don't want to), all I want to do is cry. (What would that solve?)

I know that there are so many out there who have it so much worse than I do, believe me, I understand that. Still: I feel so. damn. awful.