Thursday, October 23, 2003

What is it about me that seems to attract certain types of pathological personalities? I'm not talking about my friends, mind you. Some of my friends I sought out, others sought me out, it worked, we choose to stay together. I'm talking about the ones who will tend to latch on to you for whatever reasons. Depending on the circumstances, you can either attempt to dislodge them from your life and get some rest, or you may have to continue to bear them and their attentions. If only because you have to not 'rock the boat' and/or your work depends on it.

Been having troubles with someone like that for a while now at work. A couple weeks ago, things came to a head and it has become unbearable. In a nutshell, I was friendly with the person because I was friendly with his predecessor. I think that for whatever reasons, he took it the wrong way. I don't think that he deals well with other people, and it seems that he's out of his league workwise. As a result, he exploded at me over a work matter. I've taken steps to minimize my contact with him as much as I can. The wandering around my cubicle certainly has diminished, but the remainder of it turned into lurking and making funny faces at me. The last straw came when I was attempting to get a part of my job done, and he made my life very difficult for a week before I called in others to help me get my issue resolved.

One supervisor said that it was my problem, that apparently I cannot work with this person. Clearly not if I'm going to get my head bitten off because he cannot handle his job. My Fearless Leader has mentioned that this all has 'gotten personal.' Of course. My visceral reactions to verbal abuse are personal - certainly if I were someone else or I had time for a couple years more of therapy, I might be better able to grin and bear it. I cannot help it if I get sick from this sort of thing.

I really resent the accusation of the one supervisor. It's really a good thing he never went into rape counselling or anything like that.

I don't like to have to deal with people at all much less on a working level if I am constantly sizing up interactions by whether or not I can physically defend myself against them. As for whatever thoughts might be on their side, I can't help those, and I really don't care what they are. I just want to get my work done and get through my day with a minimum of aggravation.

This has been a trial physically, as my neck, which I had adjusted just this Tuesday, is now totally contracted on the left side. It feels solid as a board right into my back. Even slight movement on that side is agony.

Most of my day at work was just awful. My comforts came after I left: in getting home, in the affection from my Mamasan, in knitting with a bit of my 'silk garden' yarn (beautiful combination of raw silk and wool - hand dyed.), and in the incredible jouney involved in making my way to dinner at Bickford's on Broadway by way of Malden Center, courtesy of !Pablo!.

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