Saturday, November 22, 2008

This year's particularly bad holiday-wise. I miss my brother and want him to be okay. I can't bear speaking to my mother who's gone off the deep end. Dealing with her is just plain painful, as all I ever get is a semi-coherent litany of all the things wrong with me (nearly all of which being imaginary). Spam filters, meditation and rereading Pizzey only get you so far.

Friends keep telling me that it's not me, that it's her own self-loathing. I understand that. Still, I'm the object. I'm the one under siege as she attempts to make herself feel better. This is exhausting.

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