Hot Toddy.

Day 4, Dry January:

The cold, the monthly hormones, and a fair bit more stress than usual took their toll on the tum today.  Peppermint oil, ginger ale and broth weren't helping, so decided to try another old standby:  star anise.

Broke up and set a few stars to decoct for a while (approx. 20 min) with some fresh ginger.  Tossed in a sachet of chamomile / anise infusion and let that all sit for maybe 5-10 minutes more.  Sweetened with a touch of honey.

Tonic.

Calmed the tum sufficiently to Get Things Done (mainly shoveling.  Also a good bit of setting topsy turvy to rights in the house.).

Be safe, stay warm.

Cheese.

Since I've had the knife-stabs in the stomach, I've been on a kind of restrictive diet. No dairy, no soy. Blood tests for wheat protein allergies, parasites, weird bacteria, etc, have shown up negative so far.

Was a voluntary vegan for years in the past. Doing this stuff involuntarily isn't nearly as easy or fun as that all. (Actually, it kind of sucks.)

Apologies.

Every day, something new happens. Not necessarily exciting, but *spark* providing. That isn't a bad thing.

For various reasons though, have been kind of able to write.

Will attempt to get the engine revved up again. Really like it here. Think that its feeling like a stressor and a weight on the back is a temporary thing. (Hope that, anyway.)

Well, one part of the house chaos came to a close, anyway. I've been kind of living in a nightmare lately, as my room was a construction site for the past 3+ weeks. Wouldn't be surprised if I'd breathed in enough plaster dust for a case of brown lung. Also, as the construction crew was coming around early (sometimes before 8:00 am and often on weekends), had problems getting over jet lag. Then there're the stomach problems that have been hounding me since a couple days before leaving Suresnes. I'm kind of worried about that last thing, though a recent doctor visit didn't show much of concern.

Now, am starting to clean up, a major task. Got about 1/2 the space worked over yesterday. Hopefully will get the rest done today. Then I can do a normal cleaning/rearranging sometime over the weekend.

Will be good to be settled again, if only for a little while. More rooms will need to be torn apart and I'll have more traveling to do. For a moment, though, there's a bit of calm.

Moving On.

The diploma came in the mail today; Pavel found it wedged between the front doors. Brought it in, handed it to me with a grin and said, "Well, I guess that's done with. Maybe you need to get a frame for it."

Eventually maybe. It's awfully nice looking, but I don't know if I could stand having it on a wall staring down at me all the time. On one hand, it's a memento of a hard-won achievement. On the other, I don't much like thinking about that part of the past; it's painful. It doesn't make me physically sick like looking at the transcripts do, but it's not particularly happy, either.

Then there's the future. Goal achieved, a new question looms: what next? I don't see the use of another literature degree. Want to keep up with language but from a more technical point of repair. Translation? Technical documentation? I also want to incorporate new loves that grew from work-work: accounting, statistics. Took a few accounting and finance courses at the local community college to help with work. Am wondering, though, if this is a good thing to continue with given the current witch hunts targeting financial people. Took a statistics course in undergraduate years ago and really enjoyed that. Maybe there's something there for me?

For the moment, am fairly satisfied with the self-study in statistics. Will need to come up with another, more structured action plan, though. Need to think more on graduate/technical certification. Need to think on where and how that's going to take place. Also need to think on supporting myself again. I'm tired of being inactive and would like not to be broke anymore.

Kind of ironic that this is my second time being the unemployed, un-monied new graduate. (Wonder how many more times this is going to happen?)

Sorry for the lack of attention lately. Have been really tired and sick; moreso than usual.

Stress.

The newly finished floor is not drying due to the awful, humid weather. As a result, need to crank the heat upstairs - not something one likes to be doing when the weather's already pretty stifling.

Don't know when the rest of the work's going to be done. They're nice guys, all of them, and they're doing a great job. I'd just like to be able to move around a bit more and have my space back.

24 Jars of Peach Jam.

Tomorrow we start on strawberry.

Still no word from the not-for-profit bureaucracy in whose hands my life lies.

Am feeling a bit tired and weak today. Hopefully this will pass.

Woke up to the hard rainfall on the roof this morning. Can't get back to sleep, though I am dog tired. Don't need this; have all sorts of stuff that needs to get done later on in the day and that needs a clear, not tired (and upset) mind.

The Good Old Days.



I was in kindergarten when the first epidemic hit. Learned the term 'swine' from the news, in fact. Don't remember if I got a shot (don't think so), but I do remember the first of the two commercials.

The world stands out on either side
No wider than the heart is wide;
Above the world is stretched the sky,—
No higher than the soul is high.
The heart can push the sea and land
Farther away on either hand;
The soul can split the sky in two,
And let the face of God shine through.
But East and West will pinch the heart
That can not keep them pushed apart;
And he whose soul is flat—the sky
Will cave in on him by and by.

Monday.

Back to the land of the living? Well, we're going to give it a try, anyway.

Ugh.

Feels like I have a touch of what I'm just going to call "DeGaulle's Revenge."

Absolutely had to get away from the current reading: Teddy Roosevelt, War against Spain, Progressivism vs Populism, etc. Don't get me wrong, it's fascinating stuff. However, I'm starting to feel as though, for each new item I try to stuff into my little brain, something's going to have to come out.

Am feeling a little sore because the Frenchie wanted to argue and I didn't (was developing a tension headache - maybe from the conversation), so ended up being hung up on. With all the stress going on around me, I'd like to not have to deal with stuff like this. Really.

It doesn't help matters that the cold blows in through the windows here (classic Somerville, yeah) like there aren't any windows and next week is the start of the holiday season. Usually I can try to psych myself into not being miserable this time of year. Am not doing so well right now, though.

Things Fall Apart.

Saturday night, ended up being doused in cat pee after a freak accident. As I don't have much in terms of a wardrobe right now and the wash machine is busted, this has posed somewhat of a difficulty.

Late Sunday night, remembered that I had a paper due for Monday that I hadn't started yet. For some reason, thought I needed it for Wednesday. Managed to throw something together, but wasn't too happy with it.

Monday, broke my coffee pot. Dropped it on the floor. As it was falling, just thought, oh geez. Something else I have to buy. (Was a French press).

Yesterday, The Curse came a week early, bringing with it a hazy brain and horrible stomach problems that woke me up several times last night.

Today, set off the house alarm by accident. Luckily the police didn't come. Decided to forego the second cup of coffee, though, as my nerves were (and are) so badly jangled.

Am fighting some serious writer's block for my American History class with a little (but not enough) success.

Guess I'm not feeling so great. Will try to get out the door early today to walk to school, as the sunshine and cool air will probably do me some good.

It's weird not being in the old place anymore. Even if I was unhappy there (really unhappy), am feeling odd due to the change in environment. I know that Ampersand's having a harder time than I am, as she's a bit terrified of the other cats.

It seems as though everything is falling apart here, as well. Have spent more time this week dealing with repair technicians than I normally did in a year at the old place. Kind of frustrating.

Have to be very careful not to fall into another funk and thus ruin everything that I'm trying to accomplish right now. Can sort of feel the funk coming on, too.

My house echos. Don't feel comfortable here anymore. Hopefully will be out by early next week. As I've no more left to pack, am just waiting for the piano movers to come next Saturday, maybe should go away for the weekend. Am kind of jonesing for the ocean. Haven't been away from Boston in a long while. Really need to get out. To get out. Get out. Out.

Cool, clear, crisp. Just as the start of Fall should be.

Am sitting here waiting for the Boomerangs truck to come along to pick up an armoire and a mini trampoline.

Wish I could say that I felt okay, but I don't. Am completely on edge. Wish I could take a good, long run to work off some of the nervous energy I feel crackling down my arms and back.

Raphaella says that she feels like screaming.

Is it the phase of the moon, maybe? The change in seasons? Whatever it is, I don't like it.

Posted From Home.

Can you all tell that I really don't want to go into work today?