B E B E R E

I apologize for the radio silence over the past few weeks. Have been a bit overwhelmed with health concerns, family issues and the deep, deep sadness that envelops me at times (most often at the darkest time of the year).

2009 was a rough year for nearly everyone I'm close with. On my side of things, the death of my aunt last February, followed by that of a favorite uncle in May, then that of my mother in November hit not like rabbit punches, but more like a solid sock in the nose each time I'd pick myself up. Haven't even really begun yet the untangling that needs to be done to deal with each very different flavor of grief the part of me that barely responds to reason is experiencing.

Of course, I'm not in a vacuum with my grief; have been thrown in an awful lot with family. Now, a good part of the reason I moved here was to get away from family's reach. I'm sure that I do love them; can't not. We share the same ties, heck, the same DNA; hating them would be hating myself, I think. I don't think that I like an awful lot of them, though. Not healthy in general, not healthy for me in particular. The return from my Aunt's funeral put me in a tailspin for a good month. The cannonball in the pit of my stomach born from everything around my mother's death is only starting to dissolve (and soon to be replaced with another for dealing with the estate).

That's been the major stuff. There are other things as well: health (dealing with the boondoggle of Commonwealth Care has completely soured me on them.), finance/work (would love to be able to settle down enough to even get some temporary work. I miss work! Money is starting to become an issue, too.), home life (I live with one of my best friends in the world. It can be a serious trial, though, as he's got some things that need fixing and refuses to put the work in), love life.

Love's an important thing. On one hand, why couldn't I have done the normal thing and found someone nearer by? Why does it have to be a flight (hate flying) over a large body of water (hate the thought of being over an ocean for so long). Last flight, what with the security theater and my getting food poisoning and all, was particularly miserable. Well, for what it's worth, I think the Frenchie's worth it, if only because he seems to not mind putting up with me.

(To be continued. Migraine break.)