B E B E R E

Love.

I've been feeling strong enough to start reaching out again. Amazingly, people have been reaching back. Why is it so hard for me to imagine that someone could care enough, that I'd be worthy enough for someone to love me and want to help?

***

Hope.

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

-Emily Dickinson

09/02/06

***

Do I live for a challenge?

He seems understanding. He's so sweet and so generous to me. I'm attracted to him like to no one else I've ever met. The last thing I need is to fall in love, though. Especially to someone an ocean away, lots older than me, and probably not interested in such things anymore.

Right now, though, all I can think of is how I want to be with him. Of how good and safe it feels to fall asleep next to his warm body, his strong arms protectively but not suffocatingly around me.


***

Tears.
Cried a few times over the old love in front of the new lover. As I can't lie my way out of a wet paper bag, I decided to tell him the truth - that I was frustrated and unhappy about my past love and about how we cut things off. Honesty isn't always the best policy, but it's all I have, really.

***
Dreams.

I'm happy to be away from him, really. I just wish he'd leave my dreams alone. Twice while I was away, he woke me up, frustrated me because of the inability to talk/commit to anything, then left me so sad that I couldn't stop crying.

(From Grimpen Mire)